ANTs: .Automatic Negative Thoughts...stopping the cycle

So I decided to post early today. I will most likely post again later tonight after my housework, homework (and hopefully a walk) are all completed and the kids are off to bed...but we will see.

Today was weigh in day. NOT good results. I'm up 2 pounds. UP 2 pounds. My initial reaction was disbelief. "But I tracked it all, no matter what!" "I know I used some weekly points but I didn't go over those!" So I step back on the scale....yup, it isn't lying. Shame, depression....pouting.

In the shower the ANTs creep  in. "This is a stupid goal." "Why in the world am I putting myself out there and trying to make a change when clearly I'm just going to fail?" "See....I'm going to be fat and unhappy forever...no matter what I do." ETC. But I have to stop myself and ask myself what the REAL issues are. WHY was my weight up?

OK, so here I start to pick apart my week.

I tracked...that's a start. But I tracked AFTER I ate or drank something rather than before I made the choice to have it. So I can change that this week....but that alone isn't going to fix the gain.

I'm on medications....which can cause weight gain (temporary) so I need to take that into consideration but not convince myself that THAT is the reason it is up. (Let's face it....any chance we get to blame weight gain on something out of our control we all do it.) (The Ugly truth of medications, the TMI truth about pain medications in particular...is that they can make things, shall I say, less than regular. Which in turn CAN make a scale weigh you just a little higher.) So, maybe that has something to do with my weight being up...maybe not....but I will log that fact and keep in mind that I need to control the things I can right now, and medication isn't one of them...yet.

Water....I drink water....I like it. But have I really been drinking as much as I should be? No. I need to be drinking 8 glasses of water a day. Yes yes yes "they" have changed it to 6 (don't ask me why... I think it is a bunch of crap to be honest) but I find that I have lost more weight when I drank more water....so I need to get a new water bottle (one with one of those built in filter systems so I have no reason to buy bottled water while out and about). So that goes on the list of things to change this week.

Exercise...to be honest, I just haven't done it. I need to. In order to get healthy and to complete that half marathon I need to get to that....so that is a must. But at the same time, I'm under Dr order to "take it easy" and do "minimal walking" to keep from aggravating the pain and swelling. But I can't really do that and achieve my goals. So today, I start some exercise. Not major training yet, but some. It's nice out today....41 degrees and feels nice out..a cold breeze but nothing Ben's sweatshirt won't take care of. :) So either that, or I'll do some Wii Fit or get on the stationary bike. I just need to move my body.

So here I sit, at 1 pm in the afternoon, debating lunch....trying to keep from allowing those ANTs to creep up and infect my mind, setting me off on the wrong foot for the week. Breakfast was healthy and well rounded....so lunch should be too. :)

In the end, those Automatic Negative Thoughts are mine to make and mine to fix. As the kind of person who tries to focus on the positive so much in my life, and honestly, being HAPPY and PERKY every day is a CHOICE I make.... I really don't do that when it comes to myself and my self esteem. I allow the negativity to be internal while the positivity is external....time to stop that cycle too.

Yet another lesson I have to learn.