Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Keeping the faith when giving up is easy

I have health issues. I have things going on with my body and these things make it difficult to function in normal day to day tasks sometimes....let alone exercise.  Since starting back on my WW program in August of last year, I have managed to lose about 15 pounds. Tomorrow is "weigh in" day and quite honestly I don't want to. :(

The last couple weeks have been really difficult for me. Emotionally, physically and mentally I am spent and basically shutting down in many regards. The health issues that have been plaguing me lately are my back issues. I have Spondylolisthesis, Stenosis, Spondylosis, 2 herniated discs and now Sciatica. I have been suffering in near silence for weeks (since Christmas). just hoping it decided to "stop" hurting. Needless to say it has simply only gotten worse. I can no longer drive, sit, stand, walk, lay down or sleep. I have had a couple trips to the ER just to have them give me some pain meds and send me home. After a DR visit today, I have an appointment with a specialist February 3rd. In the meantime though, I have to function. I have kids to take to and from their various important outings, school to get to, walk to, sit through, walk back from and drive to. All while not being able to stand, sit, walk, stoop, lay down...

I have tried stretches, heat, ice, rest etc...nothing helps. My Dr gave me some pain meds and some anti-inflammatory, but I still have to "deal with it" until the 3rd when I find out what tests the specialist wants to run. In short....I have to live with horribly debilitating pain throughout my whole body for a couple more weeks at least. Needless to say I am not looking forward to suffering through another 2 weeks of this. But, as it has always been in my adult life......I have no choice.

It is so easy when you live your daily life in debilitating pain, like I am right now, to just give up and say that there is no point in trying to exercise and lose weight. I physically cannot exercise to lose weight....I can't even STAND at the counter to make my son a piece of toast to go with his breakfast. My body shakes with pain, and my legs start to give out.

I could give up. I WANT to give up some days. I want to just sit on the couch (assuming I can sit there for more than 5 minutes) and watch TV all day eating anything and everything. I want to curl up in a ball and cry...because I'm just so tired emotionally, physically and mentally with the daily battle against not only my weight and my issues with food, as well as my self esteem issues, but now with the sheer physical pain and challenge I face every second of the day.

But giving up is EASY. Sticking it through, working what I CAN on WW, and just getting through my day is HARD the scale probably won't show any of the progress I want it to.....not giving up and just keeping at keeping at it are currently my goals. Accomplishing that when my body is REFUSING to allow me to do anything else will be a success.

1 comment:

  1. Forget about exercise! Focus on the food and get that down. As far as your medical issues I don't pretend to relate. I just believe that staying mobile by stretching and moving (even just a walk to the garage) will help in the long run! You can do it! I gain inspiration from Ana who had all odds against her and she never gave you no matter how miserable she was!