Thursday, July 18, 2013

Back in the Saddle....

I've been away for far too long, for that I am sorry, not to anyone who reads my ranting but to myself because I have allowed myself to become derailed in my ever present journey to rediscover the "me" that I have buried for far too long. So with that, I'm back.....

Have you ever thought that things are just too difficult to continue trying to achieve what you think you are meant to chase? Discouragement can be an ever present foe, gnawing at the path before us, sweeping away the well laid guide we have set for ourselves. I think this is where I have found myself lately and also why I allowed myself to step away for so long from this blog. It didn't begin with discouragement actually, but I think it extended so long because of it.

My journey isn't just about my weight, or my health. It isn't simply about learning to accept myself with all my flaws. It isn't about simply becoming the "me" I think I want to be or who I thought I was at one point in my life. This journey and therefore my journey has become about self discovery. It is about letting go of my past, embracing the adventures of my future and discovering who I am supposed to be.

I have held a lot of preconceptions of who or what I am meant to be, and had no clue really who or what I wanted to be...but I never really took the time to stop and listen and see what I am lead to the truth of myself. I am doing that now, and this blog is about my journey to this point and any point I find myself coming to after this one. I used to say "I am 34 years old and I have know idea what I want to be when I grow up" :-). Well this year I turned 35, and I know what I want to be when I grow up. As cheesy at it sounds and incredibly cliché, I want to be "me" and to be happy with that. I want a career I'm happy doing every day. I finally decided that instead of trying to fit myself into one set box, I needed to allow myself to be all that I know I am and to find a way to be all those things at the same time because I would feel like I was missing something or a piece of me if I didn't fulfill  the pursuit of them.

So let's see...since my last post I have graduated from community college, gotten my weight under control then a little out of control again, scheduled classes at OSU, ready to start in the fall, and rediscovered my love of writing more than just random ramblings in blog form.

So here I am....ready to allow myself to be what I am, who I am, and allow myself to just experience and enjoy the journey. That isn't to say that there aren't going to be obstacles. I'm just choosing to approach life with the positive outlook I have always tried to maintain. So, here I find myself, ready to approach the path before me and to stop trying to force that path into what I THINK it needs to be. I need to just allow myself to follow my heart, those things we find that feed our souls are usually the paths we are meant to traverse at least for a period of time.

I am creative, emotional, kind, generous, loyal, sensitive and honest. Creativity is my way of self expression and to stifle my own voice is a disservice to myself. To be true to yourself is to not stifle your own voice. So, back in the saddle I am riding...down the bumpy road of life and treasuring the nuances of the adventure. I am so incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful family to travel the roads of life with me, enjoying the adventures we encounter, and who patiently allow me to stumble, fail and learn.

I hope you are all enjoying your ride. It is good to be back in the saddle of self discovery.

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